G-Magnet
Blake is what you call a G-Magnet; gay guys come on to him all the time. Read how he finds it flattering and says that if he's desirable in the gay world then he must be doing something right. Sorry guys, he likes girls... [click for G-Magnet]

 Rebel Rebel
Caught between the loyalty towards friends they've grown up with and their new realized sexuality, these young gay tweens have fought back, with force, to win approval of their peers... and in some cases the neighborhood bullies. [click for Rebel Rebel]

On The DL
They identify as straight and have girlfriends. Teen boys are keeping themselves pure for their straight relationship but that doesn't mean they're not having sex... it just might not be with their girlfriend.
[click for On The DL]

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Who Says I'm Gay?

Guys in their preteens and teens question if they might be gay when they start noticing they have an attraction for other guys and wonder if they're gay, confused, or just going through a phase. Some guys think that unless they have sex with another guy, there is no way to know for sure. But being gay is about a lot more than just having gay sex.

Society doesn't expect preteens to figure out that they're interested in the opposite sex only after having sex. If a preteen feels he's straight, it is just assumed that they know what they are talking about, whether or not they've had sex. Plus, a guy could have an attraction for both sexes and be open to experimenting having relationships with either sex before determining whether they're gay or straight.

It can help clear up things if you're mentally mature enough to have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex but usually those are questions can be answered whether or not you have sex. For most guys, having sex for the first time is a big enough deal that you really don't need to put any more pressure on yourself trying to decide your orientation.

Questioning Yourself

It's normal for guys to question their sexual orientation. And it's pretty normal for a lot of teens to feel attraction for guys and girls. These feelings may be an indication of someone's sexual orientation, or they may not. Time will tell so be easy on yourself, don't push the sex issue until you feel you're ready to deal with it.

If you think you might be gay, here are some things to ask yourself:

Who do you usually have crushes on? Guys like you or the girls in your group?

Do you fantasize or dream of relationships with guys?

Have you dated or had sex with another guy, how did feel during and afterwards?

Have you dated or had sex with girl, how did feel during and afterwards?

If you think you might be bi (bisexual), ask yourself these questions:

Are you physically attracted to both guys and girls?

Can or have you had sexual or romantic relationships with both guys and girls?

If you ask yourself these kinds of questions it's a good sign that you're still undecided and you may want to explore the possiblity of dating both guys and girls until you decide which one is best for you or you may want to stay open to having relationships with either sex. It may take you a while before you've truly come to a conclusion and that's ok. The important part is to not hurt other peoples feelings while you're still exploring. Be honest with them.

Some people use stereotypes to try and and figure out if they or anybody else is gay, this isn't really effective. There is no one way to tell if you're gay or bi, you have to have feeling for other guys.

Are You Ready For [Gay] Sex?

There are some important things for teens to consider when thinking about being sexually active for the first time, or with a new guy.

Deciding to have sex is a big step to make. Teens bodies may be physically ready for sex but you might not be emotionally prepared. The right time isn't always the first time some guy hits on you. Be selective, be cautious. Pick someone you trust.

Keep in mind there are other ways then anal and oral to be intimate with a guy. Flirting, making out and just spending time getting to know each other might make you more comfortable with someone rather then just finding some random guy and hooking up. Bad hook ups are hard to shake and can leave you feeling empty. This isn't the 90s, you can take your time and if the other guy isn't interested in waiting then he's probably not the guy you want to be with no matter how physically hot he might be.

Decide for yourself ahead of time what sexual activities you are and aren't yet comfortable with before you get into a sexual situation so you can set your boundries. Don't let some guy convince you otherwise. Again, maybe he's not the right guy for you if he's too pushy and only trying to get in your pants.

Eventually you'll be able to figure out what guys are right for you and when the right time is to be intimate with them. Asking yourself a few key questions is a great way to help you figure this out.

How to Know When You Are Ready for [Gay] Sex

Here are some things you might ask yourself before making the move to have sex:

Are you thinking you want to be in a relationship before you have sex?

Do you think you might feel different about the other guy after having sex? Are you ok with that? What if the guy feels differently about you afterwards?

Do you think sex affects a relationship?

Are you having sex to make someone your bf?

What if having sex ends your friendship?

Are you just having sex to keep the guy around?

What if he wants to bareback?

Are you comfortable using condoms with someone new?

If you slip, do you know where to find an anonymous health care provider to get tested or treated for possible STDs?

Are you able to tell the other guy if something didn't feel good?

If slip, do you have an adult who you can talk to?

Some of the questions might be hard to answer because you're inexperienced but they're good to think about in advance of any contact with another guy. If any of the questions are confusing, you might not be ready for anything sexual right now.

Should You Talk to Your Mom or Dad?

For a lot of questioning teens the idea of talking about sex with a parent is not a very appealing especially gay sex. Keep in mind most parents may be a lot more open-minded than you think. Or you can talk to a close relative or mature adult for help with answers.

Every parent will have a different reaction to a you announcing that you're thinking about having sex. Some parents might get angry, embarrassed, or shocked. But parents can be very accepting and supportive too.

Some parents may even like the idea their kid is comfortable enough to discuss sex with them, it's a sign of maturity. Parents are often able to steer preteens and teens in the right direction by offering helpful advice and information, and guys who can talk to their parents about sensitive issues are better able to ask for help in case of a crisis.

If you know that your parents will react negatively, or if you know they aren't comfortable with gay people, it might be a better idea to talk to another adult who you can trust.

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Nothing really changed between us even though Blake was getting bigger and cockier. We still hung out pretty much all the time and still had all the same friends. Blake did start giving me more shit then usual, picking on me a bit more, trying to toughen me up. That's just what friends do I guess. One day it got a bit much though. We were shooting hoops alone after school. Everyone else went home already, it was near the end of the school year. Kind of hot but not really summer sweaty.

Blake was super surely that afternoon. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was his puberty thing, who knows, but he was really being an ass. We were just effing around and shooting hoops but he'd purposely foul me and then make fun of me when I said something about it. Like he was trying to get me to spaz on him. He would literally drape his whole body over me and wouldn't even try for the ball. It's like he was getting off just touching me and I could tell he had a semi.

So here I am a kid with a best friend who's trying to get with me by rubbing his junk against my back and I am so not into it. I mean I've thought about guys but now with my best friend. It's not like he's fug or nothing, I just never thought of him like that. I freeze, I don't know what to do really. What if he freaks when I say something and I don't really want to embarrass him but whatev's.

So I'm all 'Blake back the efff of, you're all over my game here' and he jumps back and freezes. He looks pissed and hurt at the same time. I can still see a tent in his shorts. It's obvious he was hard for me. After a couple of minutes of staring at each other he finally says 'wtf bro? I wasn't doing nothing'. And I know at that moment in time that I've hurt my best friend in a way that will never really be fully repaired. We've both crossed into the awkward world where we're starting to question each others friendship.

I don't even know how to respond to his denial. I just brush it off but I feel dirty. Am I too young to deal with sexuality or am I just a spaz? I don't know. I do know I don't have sexual feelings for Blake though and I need him to know this.

As we're silently walking towards our homes together, I just throw out there that I understand why he did what he did but that I didn't know if I felt the same feelings. Blake turns to me and says I'm retarded and that nothing happened and that I'd better not tell anyone anything or he'd efff me up. I'm not scared, I've known Blake forever, I don't believe he would harm me in any way. Play fighting yeah, but not physically hurt me. But then he turns to me and he's got evil in his eyes. He literally spits when he says to me that I'm essentially effed for even making a big deal about this and doesn't know who I am anymore.

We're right by his house now and we don't even say bye to each other when he walks up his walk. That was the very last time I had Blake as my best friend and the very first moment he became my worse enemy.

As I grew up slowly Blake grew up to be monster-sized. It's like he hit puberty and never stopped. By the time we hit middle school he was already tall with some facial hair. I had some hair but not on my face. My puberty was to not really hit but to slowly grow my body that wouldn't hit 6'1 until my freshmen year.

Blake disappeared from the neighborhood, he never hung out at the usual places and immersed himself in sports with his new jock friends. I didn't really care, I made new friends that weren't huge monsters and did stuff kids do. We played sports but mainly soccer and baseball not football and wrestling like Blake and his new buds.

Soccer and football season overlap. Some guys on the soccer team will play football but usually only as a punter or kicker. Most guys that play football loathe the whole jock mentality. I guess because soccer is more european and refined or the fact we're in better shape instead of the steroid monsters most football jocks look like. Blake didn't turn into a steroid monster 'cause he was a receiver so he needed to be fast and agile not bone-crushing huge. He actually became more attractive as he got older. His oversized facial features fit better when his head grew and his body rocked. We still hadn't had any conversations since we were young but we knew each other and I guess that never disappears, or so I thought.

One afternoon after losing a tough game against our rival school, the entire soccer team was showering and talking about what we could of done different to change the course of the game. We had a lot to talk about since we had many errors that resulted in us losing our edge over the game. We didn't point fingers, we were just trying how not do repeat these mistakes in the next game.

We showered for like forever like I said 'cause we had a lot on our minds and while we're still in their the football team comes into the locker room from practice. It's just the freshmen team but they're loud, as always, and calling each other derogatory names and laughing about the sizes of their supposed dick size and stuff. The guys on my soccer team roll our eyes and stop and towel off. In walks the football team, not even wrapping their towels around them, acting so cocky as though their huge bodies automatically give them bigger dick sizes. I look around, it doesn't. They're the same size as us.

Blake walks by me and says 'fag' while laughing with his friend. I don't take this personal because he doesn't have anything to base this accusation on but it still stings for some reason. Maybe 'cause I was looking around sizing up the other guys' dicks? I don't know. Up until this point I never really thought about guys or girls for that matter, well at least not seriously or sexually. Maybe I was gay but I didn't know it yet and that still didn't make it right for Blake to call me a fag.

Part of me was embarrassed to think I was just sizing up guys dicks but it's not like I was fascinated by them or nothing. Maybe Blake was right but who knows. I didn't really think much about it, I just dried off and went to dress. As I was leaving the gym I heard some whispering and then laughter and turned to see Blake talking to his friends. I knew he was talking about me so I confronted him. So here I am, almost 6' and only about 150#, compared to his 6'2 and probably around 190# frame, I was a outsized by far.

I'm all 'If you have something to say Blake be a man and say it to my face'. He didn't even blink and comes up close to my face and says 'I think you're a fag bro'. I didn't even know what to say back and I probably started to break out in a sweat but I don't even know why. Maybe 'cause it's just being in the spotlight or be accused of something you're not really sure about yet, I don't know. What I do know is I walked out and didn't even respond to his accusation. I guess I needed to figure things out before I could honestly respond to him.

Maybe I was shocked that I would even consider I could be gay or not, or just the fact I would even consider it. I was pissed most at Blake for having me confront this though. I'd rather have done this on my own in my own way. Being accused of something isn't exactly the best time to analyze yourself.

It was time to retaliate. I had just gotten a paint ball gun for my birthday and I figured I would ambush Blake when he wasn't around his pals. All I wanted to do was get him alone so it was just him and I, face-to-face, so we could talk like we did when we were younger.

Getting Blake alone away from his friends was a lot harder then I originally thought it would be. I guess his teen boy fan club just couldn't do anything without their leader.

It took a few weeks of stalking Blake to finally figure out his pattern and where I could ambush him while he was alone. The time and day was set. I was ready.

As I waited in the brush for Blake to skate by I was punked by him from behind. He was on to me from day one. I was cornered.

What I figured to be a massive ass drumming actually turned out to be something way better. With only Blake and I there in the field, he was more personable, like I remembered him from growing up. When I asked why he was different when he was with his gang, he just smiled and said "Oh those clowns? They don't mean nothing to me, it's you I miss bro."

So what turned out to be a hate fueled raged actually turned out to be a reconciliation with a lost friend. One that I realized now that I missed. We talked about a lot of shiz and in the end Blake asked me point blank "Dude so are you gay or what?" I didn't have an immediate response, I had to think for a minute, then I said "Maybe, but that doesn't mean I'm wanting to eff with you, you're my friend, I don't want to lose that." and Blake says to me "Dude, I don't care, you can have a crush on me or not, I just miss my friend and I don't really give a rat's ass if you're gay, you're my bff and I got your back."

So I guess what I learned from all this is not to hide from what you're feeling. Maybe your friends will understand. At least the really close friends. I mean if you can't trust them then who can you trust, right?

On The DL

In a small California suburban town there's a new trend towards sexual purety in straight teen relationships. More couples are waiting to have sex until their relationship matures or even until they get married. But that doesn't mean the teen boys aren't having sex, they're just figuring out a new way to get off.

With sex, primarily anal sex becoming less and less taboo, some straight teen boys have figured a way to remain true to themselves and their relationships and finding a new partner to release their sexual tension: Other guys.

At one time no one would of thought this acceptable but more guys are realizing the sex they have with other guys won't become a potential love relationship so there's no potential harm from messy breakups. It's just sex in their mind. Simple as that.

"I'm actually super commited to my relationship and some day I hope to get married but I don't want to force sex on my girl friend if it's going to cause her to break up with me. I'm young, I need to get off but it's much safer messing with this guy I know from my gym 'cause it's just sex, nothing more, nothing less. I don't have to worry about jealous partners coming around and ruining what I have with my gf."

"Coming from a small town where I know everyone from growing up and playing football with them, I can't go around messing with other girls when I'm in a relationship. That sh_t would get back to her stat. Guys are more discreet. They're not into it to try and steal me from my gf, they just want to get off. I work hard at my body and eat right so why shouldn't I allow some guy that's hungry for me to get me off?"

This trend started when teen relationships started to become more serious early on. With celebrities having children as teens and starting families, suburban teens have taken notice and also taken their relationships to the next level. "I see my gf as the mother of my kids some day. That could be years from now or we may decide to get married tomorrow, but in the meantime I want to stay sexually pure for her and not mess around with other girls, that would upset her and ruin the relationship. Does my gf know I'm messing with one of my friends? Probably, but even if she knows she'd much rather me do it with another guy then girl 'cause there's no competition. She knows I'll always be there for her 'cause she's my one and only. She also knows I need to get off and I don't want to pressure her or cheat on her with another friend. Is she cool with it? I don't know. I just think it's something the girls talk about but don't really want to know if it's their bf doing it. It's not going to last forever so there's no harm."

So will this trend spread to other communities, your community? No one really knows, but it is interesting to know that the Greeks had the same arrangements for the exact same reasons. Maybe this is a solution to all the teen boy angst out there and unwanted pregnancies. Let's hope so.

[return to Gay Surf Report]