We met on the freshman team when we were just little scrubs trying to make our name on the team and try to get some face time with the coaching staff. We both played pop warner football when we we're young but we lived in different communities so we never got to play on the same team before but since we both played offense I remembered his name from the games we would play in the playoffs. Justin has the body of a tight end, solid with strong muscles and the ability to take hard hits. I would watch him go for a post pattern pass and get clocked by both corners and still get up lickity split. It's like getting hit never even phased him and I guess it's 'cause his head and heart was in the game and that's why I was impressed by his performance.

We weren't really friends or anything like that before high school but we had a passion for football that kept us running in the same circles. We would see each other from time to time at games we played or came to watch and each time we had a great time and seemed to form some kind of bond we both didn't completely understand at the time. All I know is he was on my mind a lot and seemed to really be interested in all the dumb stuff I always brought up. Sure we talked football but that wasn't all, we talked about where football would take us and whether or not we really had it in us to go the whole distance. We talked about what teams we'd like to play for and where we'd end up living and how our lives would be. We never talked about sharing that life with a girl though and we never stopped our conversations for very long when girls would come up and try get us to talk to them and stuff. Nope, we were always in our own little world and for some reason we were both ok with that.

When we found out we'd both be going to the same high school we knew we'd finally be playing on the same team and we'd be seeing a lot more of each other. This was the first time in my life I got all tingly about something. Like I was really excited about getting to spend way more time with Justin then I had ever been with anyone else. I just don't know if he felt the same so I kept it to myself for a bit until we both met again after getting the news.

Football practice starts earlier then the school year. In fact, coach Lad encourages his teams to workout year round in the school gym and to participate in drills from spring through summer. Says he likes to keep his players sharp and I can't argue with that.

First practice I was already 16 and had my drivers license so I offered to pick Justin up and head to the field. He didn't live too far from me so I knew the area. Walking up to his house was like what it must feel like to other straight guys when they go pick up a date for the very first time. I was kind of nervous but I didn't know why.

Justin wasn't even close to being ready, and what I learned to find out later in life, was his M.O.: chronic lateness. He answered the door in his boxers and made apologies for running behind. He introduced me to his parents and his younger brother, a very handsome family, and I knew that Justin came from good genes.

That first summer practicing together was like our very first time to really get to know each other and become close. Even though the offense usually sticks together anyway, especially the passer and his receivers, but Justin and I started to hang out a lot and spend tons of time just being together even outside of football. Sometimes we'd just drive out as far as we could go until it was time to drive back, we loved road trips, we'd talk about a million different things and nothing at all. It was awesome.

Our freshman year we went undefeated in our league and made it to the playoffs. Our coaches were impressed and with a lot of seniors graduating, it was an easy fit for us to get on the varsity team as sophomores. Luckily we both grew the past year so we were both average sized for the varsity team but it didn't really matter 'cause coach says it's all about skill and execution not size. We believed him and kept it as our mantra.

During one of our varsity games the following year, we played a really tough team from one of the not so nice parts of the area. Coach reiterated that it wasn't about intimidation and more about who we see ourselves as that will win games. He was always more about building our character then focusing primarily on the game skills. He said those would come naturally if we believed in ourselves and he was right.

As we were introduced to the other players the coach and the entire team overheard some derogatory comments made by the other team as well as their coach. Trash talking is part of all sports especially high school but our coach didn't allow it. There was no grandstanding on our part, no jerseys worn outside of game day, no pep rally's and no banners on school grounds displaying our win record or who we'd be playing in our next game. We were a really civilized team, especially for high school football. Again, the focus was on building character.

When we spanked the other team in a convincing win, we all were on the team bus and coach talked about the game plays and gave credit to each and every single player and their contribution. I kid you not, he could call up a play for every player and his contribution to that play. Then coach got real silent, and he asked everyone to really think about all the trash talking the other team called out to us. He asked us to reflect on the pain it must feel like to be on that side of the insults. He asked us to look deep into our own souls and ask ourselves if that was the type of person we wanted to be, if we felt that bringing down another human being by attacking them with verbal abuse made them feel like a bigger person. We all nodded in agreement that no, that wasn't how we viewed ourselves. That we won games because we were better prepared and focused on the game not the win.

It was on that road game that the coach announced that he knew some of us on the team might be different then the others and asked us all if that would make a difference, and if it did, to stand up and let him and the entire team know why. He challenged us, he challenged us to face our fears and ignorance and to voice it publicly to the team instead of small talk in the locker room or in class. A defensive lineman got up, said he wondered about the friendship between me and Justin, said he never say us dating any girls and wondered if it was ok that we were all in the same locker room together naked.

Coach thanked him for having the courage to stand up and voice his concerns. Then he went into a conversation that was unlike any other. He told us about how in our minds if we're not supportive of each other then we won't be a team, that we won't win on the field, that we won't win our division. Then he came back at us with facts about how being gay was biological, that a gay person doesn't have a choice, just like the straight person doesn't have a choice that he gets all gaa-gaa for a girl. Then he explained about the locker room. That it shouldn't be all that uncomfortable considering it's just body parts and that he doubted any one there would have the gumption to put the moves on a defensive lineman anyway. The busload of guys laughed. Coach got through to them, nerves were put on ease. Then coach went on to add that maybe straight guys should look at gay guys that might be attracted to them as compliment. I mean if a gay guy thinks you're hot you must be doing something right! This got the entire bus going crazy. Now all of a sudden guys were thinking which gay guys on campus they were going to try and get attention from just to compete with all the other straight guys. See what coached did was take out the sexuality and place common attraction into the gay-straight equation. When he did that he got through to the players and the team loved him even more.

When the bus finally quieted down a bit the coach asked everyone for their attention once more. He looked at us all seriously and asked if any of the teammates felt they wanted to come forward and admit their difference so that we could get that all out of the way and not have to deal with any suspicions. Johnny, the right corner, got up and admitted he was a closeted Nintendo nerd, he got a laugh. Then Justin got up. He got in front of the bus next to coach and started tearing up. The bus fell silent. When he could finally speak, Justin said he was gay and that he hoped that announcing this wouldn't make anyone treat him any differently. He told about his struggles with his family and being Catholic. And he just left it at that. As he stood there in his courage, one person got up, the defensive lineman that had earlier voiced his concern about being in the locker room with gay guys. When he spoke there was a crack in his voice but no one kidded him, he was 6'5 and 325 lbs, he looked straight at Justin and asked "Justin, will you be my first gay friend?" and then proceeded to come up and hug Justin. I looked around the bus, I don't remember seeing a dry eye on there. It was a pivotal moment. It was the crowning glory in the coaches career on character development. It was awesome and I was a part of it.

As time went on there were other guys that came out on the team. I never officially announced it but just the fact that Justin and I had become boyfriends made everyone realize I was gay and they didn't have any problem with it at all. Hmmm, a gay high school quarterback... Who'd a thunk huh?

There's actually nothing wrong with all of us taking pride in how far we've come in terms of race in sports. But before we start feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, we should remember that we still have miles far to go before we can claim that we treat issues of homosexuality with the maturity we've started to develop toward race. And for that to happen we're going to need some star football athletes to come out while playing the sport and having full support from their entire team and coaches, just like blacks now dominate the sport of pro football.

That point has been made clear in recent days, with three stories that involve being gay. First one is the tale of a Snickers commercial played during the Super Bowl. In the commercial, two men eat a Snickers bar from opposite ends, working their way toward each other until their lips meet. Shocked at their accidental kiss, they each rip out a chunk of chest hair to prove to themselves that they're still men, the implication being that men who kiss other men are feminine.

Gay rights groups across the country objected to the commercial, and rightly so, causing Snickers to dump it. It's no surprise that gays would be offended by the commercial, but there was another message implicit in the ad as well -- that straight guys are like the two morons in the ad, freaked by homosexuality, so uncomfortable with the issue that they go all goofy spaz out when confronted with the subject. In a way, straight guys should be just as offended as gays by the commercial.

The 2 men in the commercial were actors, but ex-NBA player John Amaechi has real-life stories to tell. Amaechi, the 6'10 center who played 5 seasons in the NBA for Orlando, Cleveland and Utah retired in 2003, and will announce that he is gay in a new book about to be released. Rumors are already flying about what Amaechi has to say about living a closeted life in the NBA, but just knowing he had to keep his sexuality a secret while he was in the NBA tells you about the negative attitude he perceived toward gays in pro sports.

Amaechi assumed that he would be much more of an outcast than  other players in the league who have been accused of sexual assault and domestic violence, not to mention those who have fathered multiple children while single. And he's probably right.

Amaechi's went to Penn State, which hasn't exactly been the ideal example for dealing with gay-related issues in a sensitive manner, at least not in it's women's basketball program. Coach Rene Portland has been slapped with repeated accusations that she discriminates against those she believes to be lesbians. Jennifer Harris, sued Portland and Penn State in 2005, alleging that Portland cut her from the team because Rene thought Harris was a lesbian. Portland denies that she treated Harris or any other player differently, but in 2006, the school's Affirmative Action Office found that she was in violation of Penn State's anti-discrimination policy on the basis of sexual orientation, and she was fined $10,000 and ordered to undergo sensitivity training. $10,000? That's pretty much an insult. Way to go Penn State.

And so the sports world goes on stumbling, not quite sure what to do or how to act when it comes to gays in sports. In its attitude toward gays, the sports world is years behind its attitude towards race. Those two guys in the Snickers commercial certainly looked foolish in the way they dealt with the idea of them possibly being gay, but they are not alone.

DJ Mollica

Me and a few gay guys were in Huntington Beach to do a demo. There was this big superstar party afterwards with a bunch of surf stars and their whore groupies. I came outside to find my friend Jamie getting shit talked to him about being a gay surfer by some jock. He mumbles some shit as he walks off. Jamie takes his shoe off and throws it at the dude, hitting him in the back of the head. Dude rolls up to Jamie with a clenched fist like he's gonna punch him. I'm all, 'What are you doing? You're gonna sucker punch a gay guy.' He's like, 'I'll f cking punch that bitch.' 'What, you want to take him f ckin' apart?' I'm like if you want to fight me, let's do this.'

Dumb jock keeps backing up. And I'm stupid enough to follow this 200-pound jock. I didn't realize that the corner he was leading me to had nine of his friends waiting for me. I'm like 'f ck this!'. So I grab him by the shirt and I deck him in the nose. Now all ten of these bitches are beating the f ck out of me. One of the dudes has the audacity to f ckin' grab me by the ball sack and he's pulling down hard, trying to get me to stop swinging back. Some kid other gay guy I don't know goes into the bar and tells my friends Matt. So Matt grabs our team manager, Andy and he's wasted. They come out and Andy is so wasted that he ran up, tripped over his leg, and ate shit right next to me. That took about three of four of them off me because they started beating on him. So Matt gets me and pulls me up. This pro 'ho type chick we were with was freaking out saying, 'Stop beating up my friends!' This tiny little girl steps in between us with a can of mace. She's like, 'I said stop!' and sprays the biggest dude. Suddenly his anger turns into a f cking whimpering cry for Mommy. His face turns flush red, like he's devastated. The the girlie proceeds to mace all of this dude's friends at the same time.

Dr. Jackson: As a young child, DJ ate glass, thinking it was rock candy. According to DJ, he not only felt zero pain, his bowl movement looked like a chocolate rave, littered with fantastical, sparkly glitter. The 'Pro Ho' represents DJ's mother, whom comes to his aide. It's interesting that in DJ's story a gay guy starts the violence and a girlie ends it. Clearly DJ has an unresolved Oedipal conflict with his mother. NEXT!

Brian Summer

I had gone out surfing with Don, Joe, Jon and a few other gay guys. We were paddling in and coming back on shore when this bum comes over and starts invading everyone's space on the beach. He wanted us to give him 20 bucks for doing cartwheels or something dumb like that. Someone agreed. He didn't even cartwheel, he just rolled over forward a couple of times and then started really getting angry about his money. I was eating some candy and waiting for him to leave so I could just chill on the beach. I asked the guy to chill the f ck out and he told me he would beat me up. I just turned to walk away. He comes over to me and starts yelling at me waving his fists. He ran at me while I was taking a drink of monster and then I ended up stepping back and kicking him to the side and he fell back a few paces. He put his fists up, runs at me an tells me, 'that's it.' I actually to really bummed because I had both my hands full and wanted to go back in and surf. I was just going to try and move around a bit until he got tired. He charged me and I dropped my drink, I looked up and he was right there in my face so I stepped back and threw a punch at his shoulder. He fell on the sand and rolled around a bit and then jumped up to tell me he deserved it and didn't I think I could actually hit him and that he had never been hit like that. I felt really bad, but it was self-defense.

Dr. Dr. Jackson: Here Brian experiences a deep sense of shame and guilt. Guilt is Brian's unconscious need for punishment. According to Freud, "men are not gentle creatures who want to be loved, and who at most can defend themselves if they are attacked," but are, on the contrary, "creatures among whose instinctual endowments is to be reckoned a powerful share of aggressiveness." Understand and embrace your guilt Brian.

Darrel Stanson

My grandfather is a boxing trainer. He's been doing it for years and years. He trained Evander Holyfield and Sugar Shane Mosley. He's trained a lot of top fighters. He got me into boxing when I was a kid. He got me into it for discipline. I pretty much steer clear of street fights. About a year and a half ago I got into a fight. This gay guy was talking crap at a party and I let him have it. It was a little scuffle but I came out on top. Once again I am not a fighter.

Dr. Jackson: Darrel makes a conscious effort to let us know he is not a fighter. Though he did fight an individual for 'talking crap'. This could be a trait of a passive aggressive. This passive aggression could be a result of the grandfather's focus on discipline. If left unresolved these issue could prevent him from loving.

 

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