Let's begin shall we...

My name is Shawn and I'm 11 years old but I'm not really like other 11 year olds and maybe why is 'cause I've already been through a lot for a kid my age, a whole hell of a lot.

You see my parents aren't like other parents, or even parents like you see in the movies. No, my parents are sorta odd, I mean my mom is a normal age but sorta scatter brained and my dad is, well, old. He's actually older then my grand pappy on my moms side. I can't even fathom what its like being 60 years old but he is and I rarely even see him.

I barely see my dad 'cause he's in jail, my mom says he's there 'cause of something he didn't do but I know better. He's in for touching one of us kids in the privates, inappropriate behavior or something like that is what they call it. I'm not gonna say it's me that he done that stuff to but the kid that he done molested sure is messed up because of it and I don't know if he ever will be the same 'cause of it. Something about an older person that you're supposed to look up to and respect and even be able to run to for protection, if he goes out and does something to you that you're not ready for, that you don't completely understand, even if it feels good but then bad afterwards, well that there person has stolen your childhood and there ain't enough money in the universe that can bring that back to a kid, never, no how.

Now don't get me wrong, I know it might seem like I hate my dad for what he's done but that's not true, I love him, I love having a dad, I just wish he was more like all the other dads. You know, like the kind that takes you to baseball practice and fishin' and all. Yeah, that's the kind a' dad I really miss and wish I had and all this other legal stuff just makes things worse 'cause I don't think it's really his age that's in the way of us being close. I sorta remember him from when I was little, always holding me and paying more attention to me then all the other kids. I felt special, I felt loved, and I'll tell you what, that's a mighty good feeling to have as a kid.

So now here I am, I ain't really got a dad to speak of 'cause he's not around, my mom is sorta busy all the time working and hanging out with this new dude that she's all hot for and will probably end up marrying. The guy is all right it's just I don't feel like I fit in really. They go do their own thing and that kinda leaves me out. Sometimes I feel like a throw-away kid, like it was my fault what happened to my daddy or at least maybe some family members feel that way about me but I'm probably just being paranoid. Just wish I had someone to talk to about it. None of my friends understand 'cause they're still in kid mode 'cause they ain't never had to deal with stuff this deep. I got no one, so all day long I just ride my bike aimlessly, wishing for a different life maybe.

Sometimes I ride on my bike like forever. It's really the only freedom I got and it takes me away from all the pain here at home and I can see new things that I don't get to see where I live 'cause it's such a small town. I've met people on these trips, some are nice and some not so much. I'm smart 'cause I already know what these older guys want from me when they strike up a conversation try talkin' with me but it's all cool 'cause I know they're probably just as lonely as me most of the time.

I ain't never really done anything sexual with a guy or girl before but I'm knowing that some of these people that talk to me probably want that but I can't really give them what they want. I'm sad that's how they see me though but I just peddle along and try to find someone else to talk to. Sometimes I find kids my age but they always think I'm weird 'cause I don't live in their neighborhood and all so they usually don't like hanging with me. I just wish sometimes I could be normal like them and live in a nice neighborhood, with fancy houses and cars, playing with all the neighborhood kids and swimmin' in their pools and stuff.

I try not to dwell on it too much but I wonder why the things that happened to me happened to me, you know? I don't really remember doing anything to deserve it. Guess sometimes God picks randomly and my turn was up or something.

On one of my trips I got really hungry but didn't have any money except some quarters. I went into this pizza place 'cause the smell from the pizza's were making me all hungry and stuff and I thought that maybe they had video games I could play and then maybe someone nice would buy me some of that good smellin' pizza.

That was when I first met Michael. He worked there and took a liking to me right away. He would give me quarters to play video games with and free pizza and if he wasn't busy he'd come game with me. The guy was cool. He really made me happy 'cause he let me do pretty much anything I wanted.

After a while I got tired of playing and had my share of pizza and needed to get home so Michael drove me back up since it was already dark. I put my bike in the back of his truck and we drove home. I didn't know I had rode as far as I had but I guess I rode pretty far. When your heads in the clouds I guess you don't even realize how far you're going.

When Michael dropped me off he didn't come in to meet my parents and that's probably good anyway since my mom was always busy with her new boyfriend and all. Michael also invited me back out to his place to play more games and told me he had even more sick games at his apartment. I said my goodbyes and told him that I'd probably see him sometime soon. I made a new friend that day and it had been a long time since someone actually spent time with me, it felt good.

I ain't really one of the best students in school and my mom knows it but she still makes me go. She says something about how school bores me 'cause I'm smarter than what they're teaching me but I'm not sure that's what it is. It's just hard for me to concentrate, I got so many thoughts in my head and I don't really know how to sort them out. I look around at all the other kids in school with their clean clothes and packed lunches and I feel like a stranger most of the time.

So the news finally hit me: My mom is gettin' married. She seems happy but stressed at the same time. I don't talk or hangout too much with her boyfriend and I figured it's 'cause he wants to spend most his time with my mom. I'm ok with it but sorta feel left out but I'm happy for my mom.

Some days I feel like running away. I mean I don't really fit with my mom's new family 'cause I come from the man that's in jail and at school I'm not getting anything out of it and probably failing anyway. I want to run but I don't know where. I want to run to a place that makes me feel as wanted as all the other kids my age must feel when they're at home or at school. I just don't know where that place is for me.

All day long I'd think about my new friend Michael and how good it was to hang with him. I wondered if leaving my life here would make me happier if I lived somewhere else. You know, start new where nobody knew about me or my past? Where no one blamed me for what happened to my dad and all? Maybe I could do better at school and make someone proud. Maybe.

Since I had tons of freedom and could do anything I pretty much wanted now that my mom and step-dad were spending a lot of time together, I'd ride my bike over to Michael's pizza place all the time. I'd hangout with him and play games. It was fun, he never judged me. He looked at me with those funny looks that older guys always give me but he never treated me weird or anything.

One time I was at his apartment and it already got late. Michael asked if I wanted a ride home and I asked if I could spend the night instead. I never left.

I knew being away would upset my parents but I needed to do this for me. I figured my mom had my new step-dad and that with time they'd forget all about me. Plus I needed to be in a place where I felt wanted, not ignored. Michael always made me feel that way, you know like special, and it felt good. Plus he bought me all kinds of cool stuff so I was always doing new things. I was finally happy after being so miserable for so long.

I didn't really watch the news much but I knew my parents would probably try to look for me. By this time my real dad had died while in prison so I figured I didn't owe anybody nothing and didn't really care that people were worried about me. I was having fun, I got anything I wanted and I didn't even have to go to school no more.

About a year after I ran away from home some punk stole my bike. I was pissed. My bike was my freedom and someone stole it.

At this time I was already 12 and one cocky son of bitch and I was gonna find the punk that stole my bike. Michael gave me a cell phone and told me to call him anytime I needed to so I did. He musta been busy though 'cause he didn't answer and it was lunch time so he was probably slammed at the pizza place so I called the cops. They came out and was all nice and took my report and when they asked my name I sorta froze 'cause I was thinkin' they'd know I was a runaway if I gave them my real name so I made one up, it was the first time I used the last name of Michael and it stuck, from now on I was a different boy, Michael's son.

I never did get that bike back or found out who stole it from me but that's cool 'cause Michael bought me a way better one and this time I started locking it up.

Michael pretty much bought me anything I wanted if I asked. He didn't have a ton of money but when I asked for a laptop and some piercings he said he thought that would be ok and got me them. The laptop was hella cool 'cause I could keep in touch with other guys my age that was going through the same things I was and also I could find guys that I could hangout with instead of the kids my age that lived around me that seemed a lot more immature. The Internet became my savior and I started posting profiles to a bunch of different user websites to find guys like me to chat with and hangout.

So I know I haven't really talked a lot about why Michael was so cool with me and trusted me and bought me all this stuff and I know you're thinking that it was probably 'cause he was expecting sex from me but that wasn't really what went on. Michael is just kinda a lonely guy 'cause all his friends either moved or got married and he works so much he don't really have time to make new friends. All he ever asked from me in return for giving me a home and all my stuff was that I don't close the door when I shower and that when it was hot that it was cool with him if I walked around in my boxers. I thought that was harmless and not a big price to pay for my freedom so I did it, no big deal. I would also keep my door open when I jerked off so he could sneak watching me 'cause I knew that would probably make him really happy and it was no big deal for me. Michael never touched me, at least not like my dad did. I figured he respected me so I would give him a bit of me that would make him happy. No harm in that, right?

Well I thought that would be enough for Michael but sometimes I could tell he'd be frustrated. Probably sexually 'cause he never dated nobody but I don't really know but he would get in these moods and tell me I was a punk and using him and stuff. It would make me sad that I had this over him and so I would just walk around naked around the house and he'd settle down and stuff. I wasn't gay or nothing but if this helped calm him down then I was all for it. I didn't like to upset him, he was my friend and I had no where else to go.

Meeting guys on the Internet was cool 'cause I could keep up on what was tight and I could meet guys and girls. One girl I started going out with and we sorta dated but it freaked Michael out a bit 'cause I guess he thought of me as 'his' and didn't want to share me with anyone, well at least with a girl. What could I do? I was 15 and wanted a girlfriend.

If she was with me when Michael came home from work he'd be so pissed and yell at us both, he yelled so loud I could tell the neighbors could hear and I was worried that they would maybe call the cops and then they'd recognize me and send me back to my real parents. I thought about it and I needed to put a stop to Michael's obsession with me.

That was when I met Ben online. He was a kid into the same video games I was into and not really happy at home. I would tell him about what I'd done that day and how I didn't have to go to school and all and he was jealous and wanted the same life. I told him he could.

It took a long time and a lot of convincing but I finally got Ben to agree that maybe coming and staying with Michael and me would rock and he'd be happy like I was. I sorta wanted a little brother but most of all I thought bringing Ben home would make Michael happy 'cause then he'd have someone new to be obsessed with and then maybe he wouldn't be so upset if I didn't want to do all those gay things and be pissed off about me having a girlfriend.

Michael didn't agree at first but then when I showed him Ben's profile in a chat room he became obsessed just like I thought he would. I guess Ben looked like someone Michael knew before. So bam! problem solved right?

We needed to work out a plan to make it look like Ben was kidnapped like I was so his parents and the cops wouldn't know where to look for him. My parents went so far as to post a website about me and my disappearing and I would post messages to them just to see what they were thinking. I felt bad they were still searching for me and worried but my situation with Michael made me way more happier than I ever was with with my family so I didn't want to blow it.

What we decided to do with Ben is get him when he was alone, not at school or at home but when he'd get off the school bus and walked home. We were thinking that no one would think it was weird that Ben got a ride home from the bus stop after school but we were wrong. I guess some kid that rides with Ben on the bus saw Michael's truck and wondered why Ben would get in with strangers and drive away when every other day Ben would just walk home. That was our biggest mistake, we should of parked a ways down the street and waited for Ben.

Ben stayed with us for 4 days and liked it because of all the games and pizza and stuff but I could tell he sorta missed home a lot more then I ever did and would have nightmares at night and wet his bed. Michael was worried and would talk to me about it and he said that if any of this should ever go down and the cops came along or Ben ratted us out, that Michael would take the fall. He'd take all the blame and confess to kidnapping both of us 'cause he didn't want to mess up our lives anymore then they already were and that we were young and would be able to go back to our families. He wanted to protect us even if that meant he couldn't have us.

Michael loved me and I knew it. I felt it. I could tell he would do anything for me and part of that was his fascination for me and part of it was 'cause he really cared. I knew he would take all the blame if we all got caught but I never really imagined we would. I was wrong.

Even though I was able to run away and disappear for over 4 years and live only one hour away from my old home, the Ben kidnapping became a media nightmare mostly because of that kid on the bus and what he said. He told them we forced Ben into the truck with a gun, which was totally made up. To make it even worse he said I had the gun so it made it seem like I was part of the kidnapping. This punk was blowing my cover and Michael knew things were going to go down.

The cops in Missouri must not be that smart 'cause they never really figured out where we were, the only reason they came knocking on our apartment door was 'cause they were serving a warrant on the ghetto-ass neighbor next door and one of the cops noticed Michael's truck. When the cops knocked on our door we were all just playing games and eating pizza and I guess that surprised them. I suppose they were thinking Ben should of been tied up or something but he wasn't.

So now Ben and I are free and back with our original families. The experience I had living with Michael had it's ups and downs but I still love Michael for giving me a place to live and be happy and I will always love him for that. I love him but I have to protect myself too and Michael always said that whatever went down after the cops came, if they ever came, was ok with him 'cause he knew that deep down inside I really did care for him and that all he wanted for me was a normal life and that he wouldn't have a life without me anyway so jail didn't seem so bad to him.

So when you hear all the stories and stuff in the media, just remember that it's all an illusion. My captor was my savior and he gave me a life and hope. Life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to and maybe he's guilty of some things but not others, I don't know, I can't be the judge of that. I just know in my heart I will always appreciate all the love Michael gave me even though that's probably hard for everyone else to understand.